do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Everyone says I win the strip club
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize