The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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