i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
