Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
