When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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