Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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