Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just high enough for therapy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
