I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
