If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He passed out mid-signature
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
