things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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