Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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