The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
