sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
