I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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