I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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