I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
