oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
