this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
