My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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