what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
