Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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