Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
