I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
tell me about the eggs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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