wat bout pragnant strippers??
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
