i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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