What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
