i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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