dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
