im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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