I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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