I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
