I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Girls should come with a carfax report
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
false alarm, still single
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
