nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
