ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
