just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
