Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
