so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
please come you make the beer taste better
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
