Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
