she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
