That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
