In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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