She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
