ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
