don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
