4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize