If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
