booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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