you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
