My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
