i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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