I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
