So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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