FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
