He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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