Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Girls should come with a carfax report
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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