Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
