I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
