If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
