Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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