I wish my penis had an off switch
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
