my phone needs a breathalizer
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
