Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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