I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
