God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
