i may or may not be watching the land before time
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
