Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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